Irritable Male Syndrome

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Local man model for abusive relationship

Minneapolis, MN (AP)-Uptown glutton-for-punishment, [name omitted], has been the whipping boy to his girlfriend's erratic mood swings for the better part of a few years.

"I don't know where to turn anymore." said the 29 year-old cube jockey. "I've put up with the her shit for so long that I've almost come to expect it. I get uncomfortable when she's not hitting me, yelling at me, or even just making me miserable by being her bipolar self. You'd think that I almost get off on the treatment. Oh man, I'm so depressed."

He admits that it isn't always like this, though.

"Sure, we have our good times. Just a month or so ago she was in a wonderful mood. Boy, did we have fun that day. It was sunny and we laughed, and we thoroughly enjoyed eachother's company. I'd pay good money to have more days like that with her.

But, like in many abusive relationships, the happiness can only last so long. It fades away as the jealous partner's mood rapidly changes, and what was once a sunny disposition becomes a bitter, gray, inclement shell only mildly resembling the person from just 24 hours before.

"I don't understand why she changes so fast. One minute we're laughing, having a beer, and we go to bed that night smiling. The next morning is another story. It's like she's a completely different person--a person that I don't even recognize. I get out of bed, and the warm, cheery person from yesterday backhands me with a cold, listless gaze, and not one word. Not a one! I totally didn't deserve it this time. I swear!"

Not even his best friends, especially those from out-of-state, understand how he's put up with her for as long as he has.

"What a complete bitch!" said southern Californian cohort, Henry Jones. "He's always complaining about how she treats him like shit, and that just one more punch to the jaw is all it will take and he's gone. 'This time I mean it. Seriously.' he says. Well, I've counted 29 such punches so far, and he hasn't even so much as packed an overnight bag. Look, I've been there, and I know it's not pretty. But, I also know that in order for Chad to be happy, he needs to move far, far away from her."

"I love her. I really do" explains Chad. "And I know she loves me, too. You just don't know her like I know you. You don't see the good times we have together. Sure, there are times that she's not always warm and receptive to me, but I know she has it in her. And that's why I stick around. Half of the year she's a wonderful person, but other half--the half where all I want to do is get drunk with my friends in a warm establishment-- she's waiting outside of the bar for me to come home. I don't know how much more of that I can take."

His girlfriend, Minny, wasn't returning phone calls at the time this article went to press, but we did get ahold of someone possesing an abusive partner's mindset--Ike Turner. "Oh man, Tina could take a punch." Ike relayed in a recent phone interview. "I miss that bitch."


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