I am addicted to Caribou's large iced mocha. I blame Alicia. Sadly, all she would do tee hee at me, so it's no use holding a grudge. Still, it's her fault, and at almost $4 a pop, it's an expensive fault.

I hate coffee, though. It tastes like dirty, tepid water that's been passed over a fat man's ass, and then pushed through a filter made of shit, after which it's poured into the mouth of a man with severe ginigivitis and spit into my glass. It's downright disgusting. Anyone that can drink their coffee black--hey, just like I like my men!--well, they need a brainyotomy. Something's just not working right.

Espresso tastes different than coffee, it really, really does. I can't get enough. When I drink it, I want to make love to my cup, but the opening is too big, and that's depressing, so I just drink it instead. I tell myself "No Chad, you don't need it", but I can only avoid it's siren song for about 10 minutes. Then I get the shakes, and I don't want the shakes so I drink the mocha and the mocha is good so I drink more, and I feel better, but then I get the shakes from the espresso but I still feel better than without it AND THEN OH MY GOD IT'S ALL DOWNHILL FROM THERE.

By downhill, I mean downstairs. To the bathroom.