Dear VIP at the bar,

Psst, man, come over here for a second. I don't know how to tell you this. Oh man, this is going to be embarrassing. I'm sure it's tough to notice, what with the light weight and ergonomic design and all, and I bet it completely slipped your mind but it seems that you've forgotten to take off your Bluetooth headset that you initially donned for the ride over here in your pimped out Audi A4.

I'm not sure how important you really are, or how important you think you are, but you haven't taken a call in the whole time you've been here, and that's 3 hours too long. The headset makes you look like an asshole. And foolish. Yes, even a foolish asshole. Or, in the case that you really are important, I offer up my humble apology. But I have a tough time believing that somebody as important as you are blatantly trying to be would sink so low as to hit on that chubby Somali girl, with her 3 size too small jeans, and her fat handles spilling out over the top of the waistband. Come on, her teeth looks like a mismatched pile of dirty chiclets.

The issue isn't with her, though. The bluetooth headset is designed to be worn in the event that you'd like to have hands-free conversation via a cell phone, and I understand that it's spectacular for use in a vehicle because it keeps your hands on the prescribed wheel locations, 10 and 2. When not in use, I've been told that it fits rather well in the front pocket of a pair of jeans. Oh, but you're not wearing jeans, I see. Why wouldn't the designer put pockets in a pair of sweat pants? That's just not right

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't get the memo. You're absolutely spot on:nothing says "cool", or "with it" like tear away sweat pants and bluetooth technology.

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Sorry for the lack of updates in the past few weeks. I leave for Vegas in 1 day, 18 hours and 33 minutes and it's all I've been able to think about. It consumes me. I will try to update later this afternoon on the happenings of the recent past, which includes a robbery and funeral.

Be back soon.

Toodles.