Ok, I get it; I'm getting old. I understand now. I don't need any more reminders, damn it.

It's not enough that the skin cancer didn't quite get this point across. It's also not enough, I guess, that I can't hear out of my left ear.

EH? What's that, Sonny? Speak up!

Yesterday, after lifting weights, I jumped in the shower to rinse off. With the water bouncing off my chest, I slowly spun my body counterclockwise to allow the wetness to cascade down my back. As I turned, I felt a sharp pain on the right side of my neck.

I tweaked a fucking nerve or muscle in my neck by TURNING AROUND. I am El Pussy Grande.

Picture it; I can't hear out of my left ear. I can't turn my head to the right. So, if I hear some sort of commotion out of my one good ear, I can't even acknowledge it without turning my entire body, like some modern day freaking Frankenstein, with dimples.

And a middle ear infection.