Irritable Male Syndrome

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Tuesday night, I plopped my ass down on a William's barstool, waiting for Rachel to show up so we could start out what has become somewhat of a routine over the last few weeks. I ordered a Limon and water with a lemon wedge. Oh yeah, and a NerdBoard.

While waiting and keeping to myself, a girl in a black hooded sweatshirt approached the bar on my left. Her hair was unwashed, uncombed and looked as if it had only one more bleach job to go before it lost all hope and detached itself from her head. I could hear it's tortured cry of "No more peroxide. Please". I couldn't look directly at it for fear that I'd go blind. You get the point.

At first I thought she was just going to order something from the bar. That is, until she turned towards me. Great, just what I needed. I don't ask for this shit to happen, so why does it always happen to me?

"You playin' the game?" she mumbled while pointing up to the tv. She was drunk and her teeth looked as if they hadn't seen the right side of a toothbrush since the day before Reagan died.

"Yeah, and I'm sucking at it" I replied.

She fidgeted and looked around the bar for almost a full minute before replying. "Yeah, I sucked at it, too".

It took her that long to come up with that? She obviously wasn't very bright, but I thought that I'd be nice and not bring that up. The last thing I wanted was to create a scene in an empty bar, even moreso considering that I was sober.

"You mind I have a drink of that?" she said while pointing to my almost-full drink.

"No, that's ok"

As she started to grab my drink and put the straw up to her lips, I realized my error in response. I didn't want her to have any of my booze. In fact, I just wanted her and her yuckmouth to go away. That booze was mine. I paid for it, and was put there to fuel my drunk, not some random, unshowered skeeze. I caught the glass right before it hit her lips.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa...WHOA. That's not what I meant. Yes, I mind if you take a drink from my glass. No, you cannot have any. What the hell would possess you?" I said while still trying to be somewhat of a decent human being.

"I'm already drunk, so it can't hurt to ask..."she said as she trailed off into a mumble. And then she followed it up with "...well, that fucking games sucks." as then she drunkenly stomped away.

Who does that? Who asks for a sip from someone's drink that they don't even know? And then, when I deny them, try to offend me by taking a jab at something that doesn't even matter?

"Can I have a drink of that?"
"Well...your forehead is too...foreheady!!"

Crazy people, that's who. Crazy drunk people. Yes, I know the game sucks. And you still can't have a drink.

It's one thing if I'm with a friend and they say "Hey, can I try that?" because they've never had tasted that particular conconction before. Because my friends do tend to have even the basic hygiene routine down. And they can form complete sentences and enunciate. I try not to keep company with people that have both Mush and Yuckmouth, thank you very much. I do have some standards, damn it.

Later in the evening the same girl tried to come up to the bar to buy a drink, and when the bartender carded her, the girl just walked away in the bathroom. The men's bathroom. Whoopsie!

Who knows, maybe she felt the need to finally brush her teeth, but I doubt it.


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