I must admit, I fall well short in considering myself well-read. I go through phases where I read a pile of books one month, and absolute zero the next. Right now I'm in one of those months where I've read nothing, and I attribute it to moving from an area that had a few used book stores that I really liked, to an area that has none. Well, I also attribute it to being lazy as fuck, but we're not talking about that.

This morning I decided to change that; to find some new reading material that would not only educate me and enlighten me--causing me to spend time doing something other than watching Travel Channel and playing Xbox 360°--but also blow my fucking mind. Mission accomplished.

I give you...NetMagazines.com.

For obvious reason I went with the 5-for-$30 deal, because that's only, like, $13 per subscription. I may not be good at math, but counting money has always been one of my strong suits.

The Choices:

Backpacker--I realize that we have no real mountains in or around Minneapolis, or even that I live close to anywhere that would consitute wearing a real pack, but that doesn't mean I can't be one of those idiots that carries a backpack but doesn't want to admit it's really a glorified manpurse. A hardcore backpacker (like me) can still bring his moisturizer and whitening toothpaste everywhere, right?

Game Informer--I blame my brother. I asked for his infinite knowledge on the subject of video games, and he pointed me towards this magazine that originates in Minneapolis. Yeah, I'm a Homer. Hey, if you say "Game Informer" in that raspy movie announcer voice it sounds cool. Go on, try it.

Coming this March to a mailbox near you...GAME INFORMER. [cue ominous music]

See what I mean? So not cool. Right.

Official Xbox Magazine--I blame my mother for getting so drunk that one night way back in '74, thereby producing a son that was stupid enough to buy two gaming magazines. Thanks, Mom.

Outside-- Because "Out" was four letters too short.

Men's Journal--This one was thrown in solely because my only other viable choice was Penthouse, and I actually thought about it for a split second before coming to the conclusion that it would cause too much drama, but not between my girlfriend and I. Hell, she'd probably only care if I spent too much time reading Jackie Martling or the Forums (I never thought this would happen to me, but the other night while in the dorms/while trying to fellate myself/in the porta-potty taking a wicked dump...), for which she should be worried. My girlfriend is pretty laid back, obviously. I only wish I could say the same for my optical mouse and computer monitor, the jealous bitches.

As an added bonus, they decided to throw in two more subscriptions for free--Seed and Entrepreneur. I've never heard of the first(but can only assume that it has something to do with gardening or a being a mega whoreslut, or both), and with the second it'll be nice to have a handy reference should I ever want to spell "entrepreneur" in the future, but I'm really not holding my breath on that.

So, in a short, short 6-12 weeks, I'll not only be enjoying these staggering works of literary genius on a monthly basis, I'll also be cursing myself for not choosing the magazine with gigantic boobies and unnaturally posed pictures of the crotch.