Irritable Male Syndrome

Thursday, April 26, 2007

I'm sure most of you Minneapolitans already know, ...

I'm sure most of you Minneapolitans already know, but City Pages released it's Best of the Twin Cities edition this week. Always a good issue if you want a good laugh, not so much if you're looking for the real Best of the Best.

Like most of you, I've also been dying to find out who would win the Best High School Athlete in the Cities, even though I'm 14 years removed from anything high school, and no, those girls I leered at a bus stop the other day don't count. They were totally asking for it, what with the pants and sweatshirt wearing thing they had goin' on, the fucking trollops.

I was also giddy when I learned that hotly contested Best Sign of Spring was listed, and that "Custom Cars" eeked out a win. Finally!

Wait, what? Who makes this shit up? How can you have a Best Sign of Spring category and not have "Tank tops and skirts" even given Honorable Mention? This is a travesty! An outrage! A...a...hold on, I have to...go to the bathroom. I am in no way going to look at a thesaurus. Be right back.

A sham! It's a traveshamockery!(Sorry, that commercial always made me laugh, still does. Right along side the "Great Googlymoogly" guy.)

Most of the categories are useless, but one of the "winners" puts a stick firmly in my craw.

Best Happy Hour: Chino Latino (Readers Choice: Lyle's)

This is why Suburbanites shouldn't be allowed to vote on anything city related. In fact, this is a good reason that nobody from the suburbs should be allowed inside the city, period. Sorry, mom!

Anyhow, I'm not entirely sure that Chino has won this category before (came close last year, I think. I know Lyle's did win a few years back, and the readers have had a perpetual hard-on for Lyle's since forever, but I'm too lazy to go back and take a gander to see what Chino has done, when), but it is hardly the best happy hour in the city, and it's not even close. True, the food is good and the booze is fairly cheap, but the fact that it's only and hour and half a night (Su-Thu 10:30pm-12am) is a complete buzzkill. Literally.

Why didn't it win the same category in 2004, when the happy hour went from 10pm-12:30am, and the beer and wine was $1 cheaper? It's obviously rigged.

I've always been a big fan of The Independent's happy hour, even though I'll never understand why a bar would discount their premium booze, but not tap or bottles of beer. Though, the last time I was in The Indy, I overheard the bartender say that he wanted to "kill whoever created happy hour, because it brings in all the cheap trailer trash". I was there during happy hour, and even though I'm sure it wasn't intended for me, that sort of thing leaves a bad taste in a drinker's mouth. It tastes like gin.

I like to drink and would be broke if I was a spendthrift with my alcohol money. If that makes me trailer trash because I refuse to pay that much for a beer, so be it. There's no reason for anyone else to point that out, though.

Ooops, I didn't mean for that to degrade into a Indy bash, but I guess it did. All I'm saying that there has to be a better choice for Best Happy Hour, right?

(You see, this is where you give me your happy hour choices. You're obviously new here.)


At 10:28 AM, Blogger April said...

ewwwwww the independent. meat market central.

At 10:31 AM, Blogger Irritable Male Syndrome said...

Have you been there outside of that one time we went? I haven't been there after happy hour since I moved back in October, but I didn't like going anytime after, say, 9pm.

Too many retarded people for me.

At 12:07 PM, Blogger Joe Speaker said...

Best Happy Hour?

My underpants!

At 12:09 PM, Blogger Irritable Male Syndrome said...

Great, Kent, now I'm not going to be able to drink this weekend without thinking about your underpants.

Gee, thanks.


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