Apparently, the "in" thing to do on a Friday night is to sit at home by yourself, drink beer, and watch Fellowship O' The Ring in HD. At least that's what I'm doing. so by default, it has to be cool, right?
I have a Goose Island IPA resting on the couch's center console to my left, a warm, humming, porn-infected computer resting securely on my scrote, and new programmable Logitech remote to my right. If I believed in Heaven, this would have to be as close as I'd ever get without the addition of Jessica Biel tonguing my balls in beat with John Philip Souza's Stars and Stripes Forever.
Now that would be Heaven. If I believed in that.
Huge problem, though; I have to urinate something wicked, but I'm fresh out of diapers. I guess holding it's another option, too. Hold on, be right back.
Can you believe I'm not even drunk? This is three beers deep.
11:14pm: I'm watching Time Machine, with Guy Pierce. He is a hideous, hideous man in this movie. This isn't really worthy of an edit, but you get what you get tonight.
11:37pm: Wow, I do have friends. Heading to The Local. That's walking distance. Dear muggers, don't mug me, or I'll have to shit myself to stop you.
2:03am: Home now. Not that drunk. World Series of Poker is on ESPN HD right now. Why in the fuck do we needs card games in high definition? I'm all about it, but why?
I have a Goose Island IPA resting on the couch's center console to my left, a warm, humming, porn-infected computer resting securely on my scrote, and new programmable Logitech remote to my right. If I believed in Heaven, this would have to be as close as I'd ever get without the addition of Jessica Biel tonguing my balls in beat with John Philip Souza's Stars and Stripes Forever.
Now that would be Heaven. If I believed in that.
Huge problem, though; I have to urinate something wicked, but I'm fresh out of diapers. I guess holding it's another option, too. Hold on, be right back.
Can you believe I'm not even drunk? This is three beers deep.
11:14pm: I'm watching Time Machine, with Guy Pierce. He is a hideous, hideous man in this movie. This isn't really worthy of an edit, but you get what you get tonight.
11:37pm: Wow, I do have friends. Heading to The Local. That's walking distance. Dear muggers, don't mug me, or I'll have to shit myself to stop you.
2:03am: Home now. Not that drunk. World Series of Poker is on ESPN HD right now. Why in the fuck do we needs card games in high definition? I'm all about it, but why?
posted by Irritable Male Syndrome @ 8:44 PM
1 Comments:
If I weren't out of town, I would have tongued your balls. I'm a Bach woman, by the way. Sorry.
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